Reclaiming My Right to Get Off The Roller Coaster That is Life

I used to teach Kundalini Yoga and as such I used to attend the European Yoga Festival every year. I wasn't a mother then but was always stopped in my tracks by how "conscious" all the children in Kids' Camp looked. There were camps for the toddlers, and for the older ones, to do lots of fun outdoor activities in the warmth of the French sun, whilst the parents practised yoga.

The children all looked alert and whole. It was always my dream, that one day my child would be the very same. With those wide open eyes, filled with love, looking right into my soul. Every now and again, I get the reminder that my dream came true:

Him: cuddle! Me: why? Him: because I love you Me: *cries*

A photo posted by Liska (@newmumonline) on Feb 7, 2015 at 11:41am PST

I just Googled Conscious Child and came across a very interesting book* that I think I will buy for my Kindle, which I haven't used in probably nearly 2 years. I'll have to find it and its charger first *sigh*. Even when I do, I predict it will need an overnight charge. Yeahhh I might start actively reading again! *A line from there really spoke to me, when I saw it on Amazon just now:

children serve as mirrors of their parents' forgotten self. Those willing to look in the mirror have an opportunity to establish a relationship with their own inner state of wholeness. Once they find their way back to their essence, parents enter into communion with their children, shifting away from the traditional parent-to-child "know it all" approach and more towards a mutual parent-with-child relationship. The pillars of the parental ego crumble as the parents awaken to the ability of their children to transport them into a state of presence.

Source: 

The Conscious Parent: Transforming Ourselves, Empowering Our Children Paperback 

9 Sep 2010 by Shefali Tsabary (Author)

This isn't an endorsement as I am yet to read the book, BUT what I just read on Amazon, as above, is where I am at right about now. Aaron's astute observations about life ALWAYS stop me in my tracks. The buttons his behaviour pushes, force me to be a better person. Sometimes that means facing up to the fact I need an early night. Sometimes, that my diet needs to improve. Often, it is that my mobility needs to improve, which means a whole heap of changes, like I am undergoing now. When I have a tidy home and a tidy mind, Aaron's soul sings, and he even plays differently. He dances more, literally, if he has more room to move. He even voluntarily tidies, when the template is tidy.

I said today, that I get all my validation from blogging, but when I searched deep in my soul after saying it, I faced the reality that I get so much of my life affirming feelings from Aaron himself. How else would I be able to cope with being a SAHM? And how else would I have let my blog decline with blogging less frequently? Because ultimately my boy comes first. When we wake I chat to him for maybe 20 minutes BEFORE looking at the phone to check Facebook/Twitter/Gmail/YouTube and Instagram although sadly, I do always check those before getting out of bed. The high or low, that those checks come with, do sometimes dictate my mood. I've even been known to cry, but those days are behind me now... says she having cried as recently as Friday night *sigh*. Putting yourself "out there" always comes with risks :-(

So as tragic as it is that a lot of my self esteem is wrapped up in the online world, it isn't to the degree that it was. I have made progress and what I see all around me, is the evidence of that.

My home always mirrors my mind. If I am coming indoors and emotionally dumping my feelings, you'll see that, as clutter on my sofa, on my worktops everywhere. But if I am on top of life, you'll see the opposite.

What I have ONLY now realised at the age of 42, is that you can transform the home, BEFORE you transform yourself. I used to let days of the week pass, saying "when I am in the zone, I will declutter" but it took till VERY recently to realise, that I was putting the cart before the horse.

The decluttering needs to happen to PUT me in the zone, and so it was on Friday. My oldest, dearest blogging friend Grumpinator updated her Facebook status (personal one not blog) on Friday, to say she had an unexpected visitor and was able to let them in as the place was tidy. I read it, and felt guilt. I felt unworthy, and less than perfect. I looked around at the state of the sitting room, from which I was reading and dived in before I had chance to list excuses. It took 3 solid hours and was like an aerobic workout. But the result was so so worth it. I literally raised the vibration of the room, and in turn our home. There are now other rooms that need the same treatment, but the REAL secret is to maintain the first whilst moving onto the second. So Friday night and Saturday night I had to give the sitting room a 5-10 minute tidy before falling into bed.

Funnily enough, reading her status and taking action was meant-to-be, as something has been running through my mind for weeks now. You know the Ronan Keating song "Life is a rollercoaster you just got to ride it" well recently I keep humming it and saying NO! My rollercoaster is that I go slowly uphill in tidying (as in, it is an uphill struggle), similar to how slow a rollercoaster goes so slow and struggles on the way up, and then I speedily decline rapidly vertically into mess very quickly. It dawned on me in recent weeks that tidy people don't let that happen. They don't have tidiness that goes in sparks like a heart monitor. They flatline it. They maintain it. To me, that was always like death, like it is funnily enough on a heart monitor too. Why do I say that? Well because I have OFTEN turned my back on a sink full of dishes to go out to the park, with the excuse "me and Aaron have got cabin fever" and "it's far too nice to be indoors" but really  they were just excuses for neglecting the housework that really and truly I wanted to neglect anyway.

In Ireland, my Mum always delays us leaving the house, to wash the dishes, and I always sigh and roll my eyes to heaven. Like a teenager! Sometimes I do them when she's not looking so that we won't be delayed. But I always wished she was more spontaneous and just ran out and left them behind her, but only now, I realise she was right all along.

So, it has dawned on me, that the good weather is literally ROUND THE CORNER. So, the big big areas of decluttering need to happen in these coming weeks, so that when it's gorgeous outside, I only have to do minimal work, to go outside for a day out WITHOUT feeling guilty.

Maybe, if I can really get on top of it, I can even have friends over. Wouldn't that be novel!!!!

So it's been well over a year now, that Shiny Sinks is a great habit, but it's like a diamond in the rough.That diamond now needs to be surrounded in other sparkles. Slowly but surely I am getting there.

I want to write a whole heap more, but a certain young man wants to play a game on my computer......... I will leave you with two things

1. The decluttering and clearing/cleaning I have been doing, I have been doing in a sacred way, as in, I light candles, play uplifting music and burn incense. Also, I start with the floor, as stagnant energy always resides there. You'll feel like you are in a more vibrant room, if you do this. If you are sensitive to energy, as I am, the uplifted vibe of the room will spur  you on, and you'll be more likely to complete the task. I will be dedicating a whole blog post to this concept in the coming days.
2. My dear friend Grumpinator did indeed blog about Friday, so you can get to hear all about her successes with Shiny Sinks and what goes into it, here: Are You Ready For Unexpected Guests?

Bye for now, Liska

@NewMumOnline

xx