Kerry I will miss you and let you go

Multiple Daddy has just written what is probably the hardest blog post ever written.  I cannot begin to imagine his pain.  Please include him in your prayers tonight, and their babies.   

Sadly, Kerry peacefully passed away on Friday 14th December 2012.

Digesting that information was really hard.

The below post was written whilst in tears on the morning of:
Saturday 15th December 2012 

It's been in draft ever since.

*****

Since I heard the news about Kerry, late last night, I can't think of anything else.  I can't bear to think of never seeing her again and I can't bear to think of the three little ones without their Mum.  I keep focusing on Nick and reminding myself that he is an amazing Dad and person.  He'll need support though.  My heart right now sends love to all of Kerry's family and friends who must be hurting so much right now.

If you are reading this and you need anything, anything at all, I am here.  There are a great number of bloggers who will say the same.

I felt the love, warmth and character of her family and friends all the way through #Healing4Kerry - they are formidable and will get through this.  They are a tight, loving family.  They have got through the last few months by being there for each other, and will continue to be so.

But right now it's the beginning of the journey.  Grief has many aspects and each needs time.

I know it gave comfort to the family to know how very loved Kerry is in the blogging community.  She earned that love and respect, and touched so very many people.  She's left a legacy.  She's also left a beautiful blog that will be a comfort to her little ones when they're old enough to read it.  

They'll never be in any doubt that their Mummy treasured every moment with them.  For her, blogging was something she did when they were tucked up in bed.  When they were awake they had her full attention.  Kerry was a teacher before becoming a Mum, so she knew so much about education and childcare; no coincidence she co-founded Science Sparks with Emma.  

Kerry's given those 3 little ones THE very best start in life.  They've had those important formative years knowing how very much loved they are.  I wish I could squeeze all three of them right now.  I wish I lived nearer.

Oh I can't see the screen for crying.

Kerry, I am over the "why" now, and I am even over the denial.  That was what made Friday night incredibly tough.

Today, Saturday 15th December, you were the first thing I thought of when I opened my eyes this morning.

My Mum said the most appropriate poem is this - it's very well known in Ireland, I don't know about here:

Miss Me But Let Me Go

When I come to the end of the road,
And the sun has set for me,
I want no rites in gloom-filled rooms,
Why cry for a soul set free?
 

Miss me a little--but not too long,
And not with your head bowed low;
Remember the love that we once shared
Miss me--but let me go.
 

For this is a journey that we all must take,
And each must go alone.
It's all a part of the Master's plan,
A step on the road to home.
 

When you are lonely and sick at heart,
Go to the friends we know,
And busy your sorrows in doing good deeds.
Miss me - but let me go.

  
And this image below really speaks to me. Because Kerry was so original and such a bright shining star she DID stand alone and apart, but very very much stood strong as a formidable part of the community she loved.

Sadly now it is time for that community to stand together in grief.  Respectful grief. 

This is definitely a time to stand together, as was 24th November.  

Kerry definitely stood apart.  

She never ever reminded me of anyone.  

She was a leader and always inspired.  

I don't actually feel ready to say "was".  She still feels near.  She's still amongst us.  Until she passes over, from these planes, we need to continue to show her how very loved she is.  But, equally as it says above, miss her, and let her go.

Again, my heart goes out to her family as this is much easier said than done.

Kerry I want to thank you, for all the laughs we had, all the times you listened to me, and all the times you gave me just the right advice.  A long time ago you said that me, my husband and Aaron could come round for dinner.  I wish so very much that we'd put a date in the diary, but I have enough memories (and photos) to keep me warm.

You needn't have any regrets.  You lived your life to the very full.  The lesson you have now taught us is that we should do the very same.  Again, I cannot see the screen.

I'll be stronger for you.  

This was the poem that Alice wrote for #Healing4Kerry and so much of it is still relevant now:

    

We can no longer make her "well" in the physical sense, but we can speed her on her journey home, to heaven, by praying for her and her family, and releasing her.  Letting her know that everything in the physical realm is okay, for her to continue on with her spiritual journey.

For now, she is still close, so I will honour her with my thoughts and memories, and let he know how very much I love her, and will miss her.

She had a marked effect on my life and it was a very positive one.  Let's pass it on.  Let's pay it forward.  Let's be the positive role model that Kerry always was.  Again that word "was".  I don't like it.  I believe in life not death.  I also believe her journey continues.  I believe in "souls".  The physical Kerry was just one manifestation of her beauty.  The bigger part of her continues on.

I think this is my favourite photo of Kerry.  Here she is with me, and Super Amazing Mum:

A beautiful lady
A beautiful blogger
A beautiful Mum
A beautiful wife (Nick makes that clear in everything he says and does)

Goodbye beautiful Kerry.  Saying goodbye feels strange when I still feel you very near.

Liska xxx