I am Not Like You

Today, many parents are getting excited - the kids go back to school - the 6 week Summer Holiday is over.

Well, I am not like you.  I am not excited.

Let me tell you why.

I got made redundant on 5th July.  I then ducked off to Ireland with Aaron for 10 days.  I'd not had any annual leave since December and boy did I need that break.  I'd actually booked flights to go in May, but THE DAY we were due to fly was THE DAY we went into administration.  Suffice to say I did not go in May, and lost the price of my flight, hence I then went at the first opportunity.

I then had to go to Ireland again in August for a large family wedding; me and Aaron went for 11 days.

In and around those Ireland trips me and Aaron have gone on LOTS of day trips with his cousins.

Even tonight I write this, tired, after spending the afternoon taking 4 children swimming.

Their mum was busy with the Olympics, followed by Paralympics, so I kind of adopted them for the Summer.  They kind of adopted Aaron as their little brother.

Tonight when I left Grandmas, where they have stayed for the 6 weeks, they all hugged me and kissed me and thanked me for making it a memorable Summer.

They have become my gang the last few weeks.

No I am not happy they are going back to school.

I am totally bereft.

I write this post with a very heavy heart, and heavy eyes laden with tears, with a huge lump in my throat.

The youngest today kept pointing out the obvious which was really winding me up, so we even made a song out of that:

"You make me want to shout, when you point the obvious out!".

Everything was a game, or a song, or an adventure.

For the last few weeks I have been carefree.  I have been the eldest in a gang of 5; me as the eldest, Aaron as the youngest.

I have enjoyed it.

Autumn feels like it is looming over me like a large giant, and to be honest I want to tell Autumn to get lost.

For the first time since April, I feel feelings that have a similar "note" and tone to the feelings I experienced during PND.

I so don't want to go back there.

I have to hope that fate sends me a job.

I need right now to be distracted.

What's the female version of Peter Pan?

That's been me.

Kids 

I know you'll never read this but I am missing you all already.  I know you are looking forward to going back to school; the excitement of seeing friends that you couldn't meet up with from Grandma's.

I will make my heavy heart lighter by concentrating on the fun I know you'll have at school.

I know I made your Summer memorable, but rest assured you had the same effect on me.

Love you,

Auntie xxx